Your Friend Asked You to Officiate. Here’s What You’re Really Signing Up For

What I’ve seen go wrong, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen at your wedding.

What the big wedding sites leave out from an officiant who has written and led ceremonies in South Florida since 2012.

You're planning your wedding, you type "who marries you at a wedding" into Google at 11pm, and suddenly you're three tabs deep wondering if you need a minister, an officiant, a celebrant, or possibly all three. Here's the good news: you don't need to know the difference to hire the right person. But it does help to understand what you're actually looking for, so you don't end up with someone who's technically qualified but completely wrong for your day. Let's clear it up. Minister A minister is tied to a specific faith tradition. Ordained (or licensed) within a particular religion, typically leading a congregation, and trained to perform ceremonies within that religion's framework. If you want a traditional religious ceremony, with the language, structure, and rites of your faith intact, a minister (or priest, rabbi, imam, etc., depending on your tradition) is who you're looking for. The ceremony will reflect the theology of that faith. That's the point. It's not a personalized ceremony built around your relationship. It's a sacred rite, and the couple steps into it. Officiant "Officiant" is the umbrella term. It just means: the legally authorized person performing your ceremony. A minister is an officiant. So is a judge. So is anyone your state allows to solemnize a marriage, religious or not. When people say "we're looking for an officiant," what they usually mean is: we want someone who isn't necessarily tied to a religious tradition, and who can build a ceremony around us. That's the role most couples are actually hiring for these days, whether they realize it's called that or not. Celebrant A celebrant is an officiant who specializes in personalized, non-religious (or lightly spiritual, "your call") ceremonies. This is where the real craft lives. A good celebrant doesn't hand you a script. They sit down with you, learn your story, ask the questions you didn't know you needed to answer, and write a ceremony that could only be yours. This is where I live. I'm not delivering a template with your names swapped in. I'm writing your ceremony, the way a great story is written: with structure, with heart, with a few surprises, and with an ending that lands exactly where it should. So Which One Do You Need? Ask yourself one question: do you want your ceremony to honor a faith tradition, or to honor your relationship? If the answer is "faith tradition," start with a minister, priest, rabbi, or equivalent within your religion. If the answer is "our relationship, our story, something that actually sounds like us," you want a celebrant. And if anyone tells you your ceremony has to sound formal, generic, or interchangeable with every other couple's, they haven't experienced a 100% original custom-written ceremony before, so you may want to take their advice with a grain of salt. When you're vetting anyone to officiant your wedding, religious or not, ask these very important questions: -Will you meet with us before the wedding, or are we getting a script you've used a hundred times? -Will the ceremony include our actual story, or just our names dropped into placeholders? -Are you double-booked that day, and if something runs long, are you rushing off to another ceremony right after ours? The answers will tell you everything. This is exactly why I say I'm Not Your Ordinary Officiant because what’s most important to me is actually knowing the couple we are honoring and writing something that could never be recycled for someone else. Still Not Sure Which Path Is Right for You?  That's completely normal, and it's exactly the kind of thing I help couples work through. Reach out anytime, and we'll figure out together what your ceremony should actually sound like.

If you're having a DJ for your ceremony, choosing the right songs doesn't have to be complicated. My tip? Look for one of two things: the lyrics or the sound . Choosing by Lyrics You can select a processional or recessional song from any genre, any decade, and yes, it can absolutely have lyrics. You just have to love what the song is about. That's really all it takes. Processional songs with lyrics I love: · You Are Mine — Spencer Combs (feat. Holley Maher) · This Is Why I Love You — Major · I Get to Love You — Ruelle · Can't Help Falling in Love — Elvis, or one of the many beautiful renditions of this classic · Somewhere Over the Rainbow — Israel Kamakawiwoʻole · At Last — Etta James Recessional songs with lyrics work a little differently: they come in on a chosen cue word (like "Amen" at the close of a prayer), timed so the lyrics begin right as your lips touch for that first kiss. It's such a beautifully moving effect. Some of my all-time favorites: · L.O.V.E. — Nat King Cole, a classic and so much fun · Lovely Day — Bill Withers · Let My Love Open the Door — Pete Townshend · Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now — McFadden & Whitehead · Is This Love — Bob Marley · Love — Matt White And honestly, I could go on, especially if you're open to songs outside the last two decades. I have countless suggestions! Choosing by Sound Instead Can't find the right lyrics that fit? Disregard them entirely and choose based on the sound . Most songs have an instrumental version, which means the words never have to compete with the narration during those final, precious moments. Recessional songs with powerful instrumental crescendos: · Unconditionally — Katy Perry (everyone's on their feet for this one) · Something Like This — The Chainsmokers & Coldplay, a slow burn, but a goodie · Secrets — OneRepublic (there's just something about a cello) · Bitter Sweet Symphony (instrumental version) — The Verve, an absolute tearjerker · Midnight City — M83, contemporary and powerfully awesome · Clocks — Coldplay (pianos are just yummy) · Viva La Vida — Coldplay, a classical feel for a modern song · Paradise — Coldplay, so dramatic Picture it: at your chosen cue, the song begins softly, scoring the final moments of your ceremony as I pronounce you married, timed perfectly so the crescendo hits right as your lips touch. Or, just as beautifully, the song can begin at the kiss itself. That flexibility means almost anything could work. How to Find Your Song Ask yourself: are you more moved by sound, or by lyrics? Start jotting down songs as you hear them while you’re out and about or scrolling your own playlists. The perfect one might already be hiding in there!  Still narrowing it down? This is exactly the kind of detail I help couples work through when we build their ceremony together, so reach out anytime.

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